How do you start a conversation on a dating app that will have legs?

How do you start a conversation on a dating app that will have legs?

Before we start this conversation, let me ask you this, what do you hope to gain from the messages you are sending out to people?  Are you looking for a partner? Is the person you are speaking to a perspective date?  If they are then it is worth being aware of how important your communication is.

Follow my dating app conversation easy etiquette to improve your chances for love

You only have one chance to make a first impression, what you say and how you say it counts.  I know that you may feel apprehensive about chatting to a stranger, you may even feel detached, fed up or bored of looking for the elusive spark.  It’s okay to feel like this, its normal, you have been on dating apps for a while, had lots of first dates or chats and you don’t want to waste more time.  It is okay to feel what you feel, but it’s NOT okay to show the person you are chatting to how you feel by lazy text messages or apathy.

Check in with yourself before your text, ask yourself, is this a message that is encouraging someone to speak to me, will it draw them to me or propel them away from me?  If you received this message from someone would it make you feel special, interested and up for more chatting? Is your communication enough to expect the person on the other end of the phone to put down what they are doing and want to message you back?

Has your message got substance, I mean real substance?  Your words cannot be all about you, it’s a balance between enquiring about your texter, how are they today and sharing something upbeat? Then it’s your turn to ask, have they done anything special?  After you have exchanged what I call pleasantries, now you can share a bit about your day, what’s gone well for you, what humorous event has happened in your day that might make your texter smile?

I am going to repeat, upbeat, people really do not want to hear moans and groans from a virtual stranger, they have enough from their own family.  Stay positive and put a funny slant on something basic that may have happened to you in your day, for example, I had a brilliant bike ride today, managed not to fall off and only stopped for a breather once, getting fit!

I hear too many stories of  lazy texters, messages that start with ‘Hey’ and end with very little else.  People are even sending each other photos with no captions, just a photo, no words, and these are intelligent professionals looking for love!  Can you really expect to begin a meaningful relationship with so little effort?  What comes across is,  I am reaching out to you because I feel I ought to, but I’m not creative or bothered enough to send you a proper message.

If you really don’t feel like messaging and you are not in the mood,  wait until you feel compelled to share a bit more of a heartfelt message.  It works both ways of course but the more you give the more you get back, it’s a bit like business networking where I have heard the motto ‘Givers Game’.

Now that we have established you have to put some effort in and be in the right mindset, to come from a loving place and truly think about what kind of message would be nice to receive, now you are ready to give it a go.

Start asking the questions, showing some interest in getting to know the person at the end of the phone, take time to read their profile and pick out something they like and ask them about it.  Get to know who is at the other end of the line, you never know you may just start to find things in common, as you begin to open up a bit more and talk about your situation, you will encourage a good healthy conversation and even start to let your guard down a bit.

Chatting by text is like a game of ping pong, back and forth, imagine playing a game and you hit the ball then there is nothing back for hours, the other person just leaves the game, what would you think, how rude?  Don’t leave a game in the middle, keep it going with a steady flow and rhythm so that you feel you are improving on your game.  At the end of the game you will politely arrange when you are going to speak next, perhaps later that night or in a few days’ time, try not to leave people hanging, they lose interest.

There are no hard and fast rules to speaking by text, the best advice I can give you is manners, manners and more manners.  Once you have started to follow the above steps you will be getting into the flow of having a few chats on the go, a few people you are chatting to and that’s okay, until you know what you want.  Do stay polite and if you feel the chat is complete then gracefully leave, letting the person down gently , don’t just disappear.

In the days and weeks ahead, meeting virtual strangers online is seeming more and more available so do keep at it and don’t get despondent.  You are only looking for one person and it may take a good few chats to find them, but if you put the effort in you will find the right person for you.

I am here to help you with all your online and dating questions, to help you stay motivated and to guide you towards your best self.

To get help with your approach to finding love and successful online dating, book a one to one coaching session with me;

Have a lovely sunny weekend, stay connected.


Jo Barnett

Uk’s leading Dating Coach


Dating Coach/ Relationship Expert






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